interesting development…


I passed out while I was on the subway the other day.

It was “interesting”.

So I’ve learned from past experiences that I get into dizzyness/wooziness/fainting trouble when I stand in one spot for about 30 minutes.

It doesn’t help if the temperature in the room is high.

If I’m on my feet for 30 minutes but I’m walking around, then I’m okay. It’s just standing in one spot that I have issues with.

If I’m able to lean against something, that does help, but not for too long.

Now, I should mention that this isn’t normal for me. I’m not a ‘weak’ person. My lightheaded-ness and this ‘passing out’ thing are not commonplace for me. They only started since I started the diet.

My episode on the subway this week happened like this:

  • There was some kind of delay on the subway, so the subway cars were packed!
  • I had to let several trains to past before I could squeeze onto one.
  • I got on okay and was fine for 50% of the ride, until we got to a station where most people usually get off the train, and then I’m able to grab a seat before the new people have a chance to get on.
  • But at this ‘transfer station’, only a couple people got off the train, and so there were no seats available for me to grab!
  • So I was a little disappointed by that. But it was no big deal.
  • I started to feel a little warm. (We’ve been having a crazy heat wave this past week! like 35 degrees, feeling like 45 with the humidity!)
  • The subway doors closed at the next station and I thought “okay. I’m starting to feel weird. …hmm… I’ve been standing for about 25 minutes or so now…. “ (I started to rock back and forth, to try and’snap out of my dizziness/woozyness) My thoughts continued: “okay. I’m going to get off the train at the next stop. – I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk too well- but I need to sit down. So I’ll get off and then sit.”
  • And the next thing I know, there’s a bit of commotion around me, and I’m picking myself up off the floor. People are getting up. telling me to sit. Fanning me with a newspaper. and shoving a bottle of water at me, telling me to drink, and splash the water on my arms and neck.
  • I did everything they told me. It was really nice of the commuters to help me out.

I can’t believe I passed out!

It’s pretty scary!

And it’s so odd not to have any recollection of the event! Like, did I collapse? Did I just slump down? Did I make any noise? Did I hit anyone on the way down? Did everyone in the car know what was going on?

anyways, I need to schedule an appointment with a doctor to determine what’s going on with me.

Overall, I feel like this passing out episode was my fault, because I know that I shouldn’t be standing for 30minutes.

but the fact that 30 minutes of standing is something that gets me into a risk of fainting, is not normal.

Size Small!

This past weekend I bought my first size ‘small’ article of clothing.

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

I never thought I would be able to wear a small. Even when I got down to my ‘ideal weight’, I figured I would be no lower than a medium…

But I was at Old Navy and I saw a summer top that I really liked, and they didn’t have it in a medium, which is the size that I buy these days, so I picked up the small… just to see how bad it fits…
I figured if it’s not TOO bad of a fit, I might buy it anyways, cause I liked the fabric so much.
Turns out it fits PERFECTLY!

Here’s a picture of the shirt:

fun and summery! :)

After deciding to get this shirt, I ended up buying two other size small shirts as well!

It.feels.great.

Struggling

June was a hard month.
For one, I didn’t make any progress in terms of my weight and measurements.
I’ve lost about 125lbs since starting the diet, and I seem to have levelled off at this weight.
Though, according to my BMI, I should lose another 40lbs.

After a couple weeks of my weight randomly increasing and decreasing despite any changes in my diet, I cheated.
Yup.

I am fairly ashamed of it in fact.
I’m not someone who cheats.
And really, it’s only myself that I’m cheating.
I put my past successes at risk and slow down my progress.

And I know all this, but I still did it. And in a big “binge” type of way.
I actually scared myself.
I started to realize that I do have some major food issues. I don’t know what they are, but they sure do exist!!

The reason I’m writing about this now is that it’s about 3 weeks since I cheated, and I’ve gone and done it again!! And I feel sick. Literally (my stomach is yelling at me right now) and emotionally (I’m pretty disgusted with myself).
I’m also ashamed. But not completely ashamed… Because even as I type this I know that I’m going to go off diet tomorrow as well.
Why am I doing this to myself??

Missing the plus-size section

This in an interesting development: during my many shopping trips,  I realize that I kind of miss the plus-size stores and/or plus-size sections of stores.

Now, I should clarify- I most DEFINITELY do NOT miss the plus-size fashion! I had a pretty difficult time finding clothing that I liked!
It was so bad that I eventually gave up and decided that I would just buy clothes that I could tolerate and wouldn’t feel overly hideous in.

I think what I’m experiencing now is kind of a a nostalgia. Those plus-size stores/sections are places that I’ve been going to my whole life (practically) and now, all of a sudden, I don’t go there anymore.
Sometimes I want to go just to see if there’s anything there that I’m missing…

It doesn’t make any sense, I know, it’s just so odd not to frequent those stores!
I actually still get stuff in the mail from Addition-Elle.
I suppose I should take myself off their mailling list, cause I’m now smaller than a size 14 (yay!) and I doubt their lingerie would even fit me…

but on the flip side, their brochures remind me that I now have a larger pool of stores to choose my clothes from!

I joined a gym!!

So I think i’ve mentioned my “sustainability/maintenance” plan on this blog…
Basically I’m planning on signing up for atleast 3 or4 months of the Dr B maintenace program, bit I seriously doubt that they will provide me with all the support that I need. I need someone to basically retrain me in how to eat. Like, what do I get when I go to restaurants? And how do I not buy a bag of chips when I go grocery shopping? And how do I not eat that entire bag in one sitting?

So in addition to the Dr B Maintence Plan, I’m planning on making good use of my work benefits and seeing a nutritionist, joining a gym, and seeing a shrink… Just to see if I have any deeper food issues. Unlike most of the bigger people I know, I don’t think I’m an emotional eater. I think I choose the wrong foods and then consume way too much of them (sometimes in a ‘binge-like’ fashion) but that’s usually when I’m bored, not when I’m emotional.

Anyways, as I come closer and closer to finishing, I’m starting to think more about how My sustainability plan is going to work. I think it would be best to start it while I am still on the diet, so I can transition off the diet better.
With that in mind, I joined a gym last week!!
I also purchased a few sessions with a personal trainer. I met with the trainer today and I think I’ll probably continue with his “course of action” after I’m off the diet, because at this point it seems too intense to be doing on 800-1000 calories per day.

Speaking of the doctors…

A few weeks after my entry about the clinic staff, I had another doctor’s appointment.

Interestingly enough, I was unable to be at my ‘home clinic’ on the day that the doctor was available, so instead they called up another clinic and scheduled a doctor’s appointment for me later that week.
(So yes, they are pretty hardcore about doctor’s appointments!)

I was very VERY impressed with this new doctor.

First off, he congratulated me on my weightloss so far. (120lbs and counting!)
And then, instead of asking me a checklist of questions (‘how much liquid are you drinking?’, ‘are you exercising?’ etc), he sat back and asked “Do you have any questions for me?”

I was shocked!

So I preceded to mention to him the difficulties I’m having with my body being in a ‘fat-burning’ state, and he provided me with a couple tips!!

#1) Fruits – apples are a great fruit for weight loss. Try to eat them early on in the day as opposed to during in the evening.

#2) Lemon water – each day, squeeze fresh lemon juice into a glass of water. This helps to cleanse the body.

Two simple things that I have already implemented into my day-to-day.

I was/am so impressed with this doctor’s visit! This is what I think the visits should be like. Kind of like counseling and nutrition tips, and overall, motivating.

My next doctor’s appointment is in a few days, and it’s back with my ‘home clinic’ doctor. Hopefully it’s not too discouraging….

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My new taste buds

I’ve recently started listening to the ‘Nutrition Diva’ podcast (by QuickandDirtyTips.com).

It’s pretty fantastic.

And while I am an avid fan of podcasts in general, I usually steer clear from super short podcasts, because I feel like I need at least 15minutes to get invested in whatever they’re talking about.

But these super short 5 min podcasts from the Nutrition Diva are perfect! I recently downloaded a whole bunch of them (like 30 or so) and I listen to them one after the next, during my commutes to/from work.

I was particularly impressed by a couple of them on fish oil and omega 3 fatty acids and mercury in fish. In these episodes, she mentions all the nutritional benefits that come from eating fish. And that it’s recommended that people eat at least 2 fish meals per week.

I currently consume 0 fish meals per week. This is because I don’t like fish.
I stopped eating fish about 15 years ago.

But after listening to the podcasts I decided that perhaps the benefits outweigh the bad taste, so I set a goal for myself the month of June: eat 2 fish meals per week.

I started implementing my Fish Plan this past weekend, even though it was technically still May, and so far I have eaten 3 servings of fish – and it’s only Monday!

Apparently, my taste buds have changed, and now LOVE fish! I can’t get enough of it!

I feel like these unexpected changes in the foods that I now enjoy are going to really help me when I transition off the strict diet and onto a ‘lifestyle diet’.

*fingers crossed!*